If I’m a few years behind the times, forgive me, because it’s taken this long to actually admit this. (Or maybe I really don’t care.) Work with me!
So let’s rewind a bit. (Two years? Four? You tell me!) I was standing in line at CVS and every magazine cover (and I do mean EVERY magazine cover) featured a woman (or couple) I was unfamiliar with. Everywhere you looked, there she was (or there they were). So, not to feel grossly out of touch, I decided to perform some Google research when I arrived back home.
Turns out the woman was Kate Gosselin, the “star” of a reality show called “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” They were a nondescript couple that attracted attention by having a multiple birth or two. Next thing you know, somebody at TLC (a stepchild of The Discovery Channel) had the bright idea to build an entire television program around their life – sort of a trailer park version “Eight is Enough” - which inexplicably became hugely popular. But by the time it entered my radar with the wall-to-wall coverage on that dark day in CVS, the network’s cash cow had degenerated into a catty “he said she said” divorce war. That’s what’s gripping the nation? Geez, I’m sorry I even looked - and doing so, squandered 46 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back.
The first thing I did after that heinous discovery was to clear my browsing history. What if, let’s just imagine, right after that I went to get the mail and was made into a pancake by a rogue driver? (Highly unlikely, as we live on a dead end street off another dead end street so there’s not a lot of speeding in our cul-de-sac.) Then, on my gravestone, instead of saying something like “What A Cool Dad!” or “I may be gone, but the Rock and Roll lives on,” it would state I was born on this date, died on this date - followed by something like “He was crushed by the FedEx driver shortly after Googling Kate Gosselin.” Not exactly how you want to be remembered.
But I digress. I’m sure there’s a good use for the reruns or outtakes; if you need to force somebody to spill the beans, forget about Guantanamo, waterboarding or hanging them by their ankles from the 37th floor balcony; just lock them in a room with a never ending loop of any show featuring Kate Gosselin and they’ll sing like a canary. So, needless to say, I’ve never had the urge to watch a reality series on TV (or any series these days, for that matter). But if that changes, it certainly would be a show far more upscale and sophisticated than John & Kate Plus 8 or any of the inevitable multiple spinoffs.
Something like “Dog The Bounty Hunter,” perhaps.