Memorializing a lost loved one can fulfill several different things.
We remember in order to honor and pay tribute. We remember in order to give ourselves comfort. We remember in order to move forward.
Sadly, when we remember Nick Parisot, we may try to pay him tribute, but we find there’s very little comfort or closure to allow anyone peace or the chance to begin to heal.
On June 13, 2012, it will be the fourth anniversary of the death of Nicholas Parisot. He was killed that late spring day in 2008 while he was riding his motorbike on a path in the woods behind his grandmother’s home. Nick struck an obstruction—a rope purposefully tied across his way.
Nick was killed just two weeks shy of his 14th birthday.
In the weeks and months that followed Nick’s death, it was classified as a homicide, and but were unable to secure an arrest warrant. Wilton Police have not come any closer to making an arrest in the case since then, although they say it is still an open case and a priority for the department. In fact, Wilton about the case that his department is “steadfastly continu[ing] to investigate” and “fully committed to bringing those responsible for this crime to justice.”
What’s been left in the wake of this unsolved murder is a mess of sadness, anger, disbelief and resolve. Knowing that there are individuals and families with additional information that could help to make headway on an arrest is frustrating to some, and seemingly morally bereft to me.
I have written before about how . In his pictures I see my own child reflected with similar physical traits and what I’ve been told Nick was like. Any parent would hope that justice would be vigilantly pursued in the murder of any child in town. At the same time, I would hope that people with knowledge of what happened in the planning leading up to that day and afterward would do the right thing by telling what they know.
Shortly after I wrote that column about Nick just one year ago, I became involved with creating an ad-hoc group called Stand Up For Nick, together with people who felt like I did. We believe that keeping Nick in the forefront of people’s minds, and encouraging anyone with information about the case to do the right thing and speak to the police, some sort of resolution to the case will happen.
What we’ve found is that so many people in Wilton and beyond want to do right by Nick. This support—through a Facebook page, a website and a letter writing campaign—has, in turn, helped strengthen the resolve and courage of Nick’s parents, Rick Parisot and Kate Throckmorton, as they continue to pursue answers and truth about the death of their son. Simply by people saying they “stand up for Nick” in the need to find answers, it has given his parents some hard-to-find comfort.
By keeping the case alive, by continuing to let authorities know that the community wants resolution because it’s the right thing to do, we all take an active part in memorializing this son of Wilton. Not out of a sense of vigilante justice, but because his family deserves to know the truth about what happened, and those with information can begin the healing process for everyone involved—the town, the other juveniles who were responsible, and most of all for the Parisot family.
Nick would have graduated from high school this year. His classmates will honor him during graduation and other events, yet it adds more sadness for Nick’s family.
In years past, the anniversary of Nick’s death has been marked by a sunset memorial ceremony at Millstone Farm, a place where Nick often played as a child. There’s a cairn in the corner of the Millstone field that was built by Nick’s dad, Rick, in memory of his son, and it’s been a place where candles have been lit and mementos left to remember Nick by.
This year, the family is inviting anyone who wishes to remember and honor Nick to visit the cairn on June 13. There is no set time for a service; instead people are welcome to visit whenever they can during the day, and perhaps add stones to build new cairns along the walls of the field close by. These stones or any other mementos will help let Rick and Kate know that they have community support, and love.
So perhaps on this poignant anniversary, we do our best to memorialize Nicholas Parisot. Because with more and more people remembering him and pushing for the truth, we are hopefully one step closer to resolution and closure. I Stand Up for Nick and remember him–so that we can try to bring his family some sort of peace.
I remain baffled why the Wilton Police were unable to obtain an arrest warrant, if there was forensic evidence and the participation of expert Dr. Lee. Sounds like something was mishandled in the process. My heart goes out to Nick's parents, family and friends.
The stonewalling in this instance reminds me of the Martha Moxley case. Martha was killed in 1975. Rumor abounded throughout Greenwich about the identity of her killer, but not until 1998 when a grand jury (in this rare instance it consisted of one person) was convened and witnesses called to testify truthfully under oath or face charges of perjury, did the facts begin to emerge which led to Skakel's indictment in 2000. Let's keep hoping that such a possibility exists in Nick's case. His parents must be quite certain who strung that rope but remains free. And I doubt they want vengeance as much as, finally, they just want peace. Only those Wilton residents who have information about what happened to Nick can grant his parents that blessing. Sandra Hogan
Nice job today. Thanks for keeping Nick, his family and this case in the collective conscious of Wilton and the surrounding communities. Pray for justice. Lisa B.
The fact is, if I'm another kid's parent and I think he did it or may have been involved, I'm not letting him talk to the police. There is a Constitution and a right not to incriminate yourself. Would you let your 12 year old incriminate himself and go off to jail. If what the rumor mill says is true, the other kids were messing around and clearly didn't intend to kill anyone. Lets think knock him off his motorcycle. Morally bereft, I don't think so. Doing what a good parent should, is more like it. As far as the police go, they brought the evidence they had to the prosecutor who declined to prosecute. That means, they didn't have enough or conclusive evidence. Finally, the rumor mill is full of unsubstantiated stuff that people are professing knowledge of. "Oh we know". So while I'd like to celebrate Nick's life,the good he did and joy he brought, this whole process, accusations and revenge seeking stuff doesn't seem to accomplish that well.
I find it hard to believe any parent in Wilton would tell their kid to go to the police, admit wrongdoing and take their punishment when caught driving under the influence, smoking pot or smashing mailboxes. Instead they hire a lawyer, protect them as best as they can, minimize the damage, make sure they learned a lesson and hope it was just a mistake and not a lifelong pattern. To call a parent morally bereft for this protection of his child is more than a mild overstatement.
No one thinks these kids intentionally murdered anyone but someone died and someone is responsible. Pretty cynical to equate justice and revenge. I wont protect my kids from the consequences of their actions. I believe my responsibility as a parent is to teach them values and keep them safe and guide them when they make a mistake, not fix it for them. While I dont recall calling you morally bereft Joe, I think its safe to say our values are different. And there is no crime in that.
For instance, smashing a mailbox may be a felony destruction of property. So, do you have your kid plead guilty to a felony and go to jail for a year, or do you do everything in your power to get it dismissed or downgraded to a misdemeanor so it doesn't follow him for life on his record and keep him out of jail. You can teach them and protect them at the same time. The teaching is yours, not some judges or other inmates. So if justice is not revenge, what would be justice in this case and how would it effect the perpetrator? Help me understand how sending a kid to jail for 10 years is justice and sending a kid to jail for 10 years is not revenge. Justice, in our system, is paying for your actions with incarceration. Generally, that incarceration does not reform you or make you a better person. The morally bereft comes from the original opinion, not you. "Knowing that there are individuals and families with additional information that could help to make headway on an arrest is frustrating to some, and seemingly morally bereft to me." And thank you for respecting my opinions as I do yours.
If he were killed by another kid in this type of accident, I would hope I'd have enough compassion to say, we've lost one life, let's not ruin another to avenge it. But, I understand if the parents want "accountability". It's just not what I'd choose. I think Nicks life was precious. I'm not sure how "accountability" (which means punishing another kid) will give it any value or honor it. If you think the other kid is a bad kid and prone to continue to do bad things and this accountability will stop that, I can support that too. Based on what I know (which I admit is rumor and hearsay), I don't think that is a reasonable premise.
As a parent I can understand wanting to protect your child from awful repercussions of an action that resulted in something as terrible as this. But, from my standpoint and my personal 'true north,' part of that protection is also teaching my children about accepting responsibility for their actions, no matter what. Running from that would be harmful to them in an entirely different way. Beyond the rumor and hearsay, it is a tragic situation all around, and one that Wilton, and most of all the families involved, will be living with for a very long time.
I think it is laudable that you pointed out these people can’t really be worrying about their kids and are just worried about their money. I’m sure that is how most parents in Wilton would react to a possible indictment of their child. I would point out that the penalties for the alleged crime are up to 20 years (class B or C felony). I would also ask, what is the disposition in similar past cases in the area?? Your statements about the children being incarcerated, in my judgment, are wrong. It is clearly probable that kids convicted of a Manslaughter Felony B or C will be incarcerated in some manner and will have a felony conviction on their records. In addition, I see a lot of misinformation, emotion, and rage about this case; not a situation in which you would expect leniency or accommodation. In any case, if you are correct that no one expects a felony or incarceration, they can easily work out a plea deal or grant immunity. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be anyone's focus.
It is unclear what “closure” is needed in this case. All the essential facts are known. If you listen to the rumor mill, everyone also knows who did it. So closure can’t be facts or additional information, since they are essentially already all known. Therefore, closure would be; 1. An admission of guilt, 2. Punishment and/or 3. Compensation. My suggestion to the community and family would be to clearly define what they need for closure and what they do not need. I think most parents in Wilton, would give them all the closure and compensation they would like in return for ironclad assurances of non-prosecution. I believe the parents would like to help the family, but protect their child. At least then they have the possibility of salvaging his life. If they can’t get there, it is clear there is not enough evidence to bring an action and chances are there won’t be “closure”. The civil case will determine compensation, but it should really get resolved by agreement on closure.
You are the master of the straw man argument- perhaps you should run for political office. You advocate that parents should and will shirk their responsibility as parents and not hold their children accountable. I find that both disturbing and dishonest. No one suggested that most parents in Wilton would react in the way these parents are doing. If the kids who did these were mine they would be marched to the Police Station to tell all they know. Of course I would do anything I could to help them but i would not help them shirk responsibility. I am sorry that your moral code would allow you to do that and sleep at night.
Earlier today, I returned from visiting Nick's memorial cairn. Back before any of this happened, I considered myself to be a good friend to Nick, with the two of us both in the same Boy Scout Troop. Needless to say, when he died, I and the rest of my family were saddened by the loss, and hoped for justice to be served. Now, four years later, justice still has not been served, and the Parisots have not had the closure they deserve. I don't think anyone needs to be told that no one was hoping to put a 12 year old in prison four years ago. What should have happened is that the parents of this child, upon discovering what had occurred, should have gone to the Parisots and to the police, whom I very much doubt would have wanted to put a child is prison for a prank gone wrong. We would have come together as a community and mourned the loss of a boy with a bright future. Needless to say, that's not what happened. Instead, these parents deliberately set out to hide their son's involvement. For what reasons I don't desire to fathom: perhaps to protect their son from prosecution, perhaps to protect their reputation, perhaps, as someone else mentioned, to protect their own assets. or whatever reason, they deliberately set out to hide the truth, and to keep the Parisots and others affected by Nick's death from attaining the closure they so desperately needed.(continued)
As for the reason for the lack of prosecution, it is due to Connecticut's rather stringent laws regarding minors; in this case, those that prevent the police from questioning minors without the parents' consent. The parents of this child have obviously not given their consent, and the parent of another child who witnessed the entire thing reuse to allow their child be questioned either. (continued)
To the rest o you, if you truly believe that Nick and his family deserves justice, don't just read about it online, take action, writing to your elected officials, and the District Attorney for our area, and get involved with the Stand up for Nick group. Eventually, the Parisots and all others affected by Nick's death will have closure. I am sure that we all wait eagerly for that day.
Yes, I agree it makes no sense to send him/them to jail, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a sentence of community service.
I have endured a lot of losses within the past few years, but not the loss of a child, which must be completely shattering. I am so sorry for the Parisots and the anger they no doubt feel over not having the closure, of which several commenters here have mentioned. Yes, closure will not bring Nick back, but at least it might help lighten the family's heavy hearts. I hope that you reach out to Nick's family again and share your positive memories. That would help with their healing.
Look the kid is 12, if he had been charged, tried, and convicted, the max he would have gotten by the end of it was like 6 or 7 years and then he would have been able to go on with his life. His life would not have been necessarily ruined, justice would have been served in the eyes of the law, and the parisots may have had some closure in the form of knowing what happened and why, maybe he would have even been able to offer them an apology.