Preparing Yourself for the College Application Process

Having been an admissions officer and a college counselor for 15 years, I have noted that myths can make this inherently stressful process even worse.  In that vein, I have asked Stacy Raymond, a clinical psychologist in Ridgefield, CT, to explore and debunk some of the college application process myths from a psychological perspective.

Q: How do you manage concerns about college brand name?

A: Certainly going to college is an important milestone in the life of a young adult.  Notice I said ‘important’, not ‘monumental’ or the ‘be all end all’ of one’s existence.  Perhaps the most destructive myth is that a person must attend a “name brand” college or he may not amount to anything.  Be careful how much weight is placed on the caliber of the school.  Do you want to impress your family and friends or, rather, do you want your child to be in the right environment, enabling him or her to thrive academically and socially?  Keep in mind that college falls at a precious time in a young adult’s life; it is when they are “launching” from the “nest” and establishing independence – no easy task.  The successful completion of adolescence requires developing a healthy self-esteem and a solid foundation to one’s identity and role in the world.  The young adult must have a feeling of belonging in his social environment, coupled with an appropriate degree of academic challenge, in order to foster growth and confident independence.

Q: How can parents get involved without taking over?

A: Unfortunately, much of college application stress stems from how parents handle the process.  For many parents, what school their child attends is a testament to their parenting ability.  It’s the culmination of all their hard child-rearing work.  Whether or not the child attends a top tier school does not define them as a person or you as a parent.  Parents who live vicariously through their children do them no favors.  Children feel this pressure to live up to an external standard which may sway them from charting the “right,” i.e. gut-felt course for themselves.  The best advice I received as a parent with a college-bound junior was to get in the car and start visiting campuses – all types of campuses, top tier schools, nearby colleges, rural and urban settings, large and small schools.  Interview your child and take notes after each tour – what did they like and dislike about the college and surrounding area?  Can he see himself eating, sleeping and studying at this school for 4 years?  Assessing the “gut feel” of a school is a reality-based approach to evaluating a college – very different and more informative than thumbing through the “Best Colleges” edition of U.S. News & World Report.

Q: Are there any other myths that come back to bite students and parents?

A: The final myth I’d like to cover involves the assumption that the child’s life is ‘set’ once they ‘get in’.  I’ve heard many a story of students getting into a prestigious institution after enduring the rigor of AP classes, SAT tutoring, and a zillion extra-curricular activities to beef up that college application, only to blow their parents’ 50 grand a year partying all night and sleeping all day, resulting in academic probation.  None of that bodes well for future job interviews.  I graduated high school with a young man who went to Yale, only to drop out in his senior year over a political disagreement he had with the administration.  Alternatively, I’m close friends with a successful OB/GYN physician who teaches at a prestigious hospital.  He completed his undergraduate and medical training at a state school, excelled academically, and landed the job of his dreams.  My point is, brand name school or not, college ultimately is what you make of it.  An outstanding graduate from a less prestigious school looks better to a prospective employer than a slouch who scraped by at a top-tiered school.

Q: So what is the bottom line for the parents?

A: The undeniably stressful college application process can be made tolerable, and even exciting, if you let it.  It is imperative that parents value growth over prestige.  Parents need to re-evaluate the alleged “meaning” of where their child is accepted and concentrate more on the best fit for fostering growth and contentment.  Ultimately, a successful launch from the nest is best secured if parent and child are guided by what’s in the best interest of the child.